Jesus Probably Made Perfect Rice Balls

The rice ball parm from L & B Spumoni Gardens in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. Umm. Yeah. It's THAT good that it gets mentioned in the same post as Jesus.

“Nothing is perfect in life, Joseph. Except for Jesus. Jesus is perfect.” – My Mom, circa every single day, 1987-1999

For years, I’ve been trying to find out if my mother was wrong when she told me that. So far, she’s right. I’m always obsessively looking for the perfect slice of pizza, the perfect dive bar, the perfect buffalo wing, the perfect recipe to make perfect macaroni and cheese.

And you know what? I never ever ever ever effin’ find it. It’s often good, but it’s never perfect. So here, on I’ll Take The Check, I’m going to take you through my culinary and alcoholly search for perfection. My job isn’t to tell you how to make reservations or whether the restaurant is good for groups or if you can take your disgusting, smelly dog without getting kicked out. It’s to specifically tell you what’s perfect about a certain food or establishment, and why I still need to search more.

Quick disclaimer: My correct idea of what makes food taste perfect might be different from your incorrect tastes. I’ll try to be specific enough to sort out our differences.