State of this Blog Address

Debunking Baseball Myths and Misconceptions

So I’m trying to figure out a way to get more people to read this stinkin’ blog, and the better half of my brain (her name is Beth) came up with a great idea. Last season, I decided for a short while to debunk some baseball myths (catchers slow down after the second half of the year, the “Win” statistic is important for pitchers, etc.). “Why don’t you just make your blog about debunking baseball myths,” Beth asked. I paused. I liked.

Now I’m not Stats Inc., or the Society for American Baseball Research, or Baseball Prospectus or Retrosheet.org (if you don’t know what these organizations are, find their Web sites by using Google – just kidding, I linked to them - and learn about them). You’re missing a lot of knowledge. The truth is, I have a tough enough time doing investigative journalism about hedge fund managers at my real job, so doing investigative journalism about every last nuance of the game and then coming up with a new mathematical formula to knock old theories down is going to be impossible. Usually, that is.

Sometimes, I’ll have a few extra moments, and I’ll be able to look into the books and try out some of my theories. (I plan on telling you if pitchers who throw a lot of pitches really get more arm injuries, or whether one-run games… wait, I don’t want to give anyone any ideas.) I’ll get around to researching that stuff. It’s fun. I’m a veracious reader when it comes to baseball, and besides debunking baseball myths, maybe I’ll chuck a couple titles of great baseball books onto my blog.

And, I’m going to still do a few little pieces about other baseball topics, such as why I - and my cousin Matt Atwan for that matter - are so nauseatingly obsessed with no-hitters.

DUMB PEOPLE SAY: If a pitcher makes an error and a run eventually scores, it should be an earned run.

I SAY: Dude, no friggin’ way. It’s called an EARNED run for a reason Johnny Applecakes. The phrase EARNED RUN means that the offensive team EARNED the run by getting hits, stealing bases, laying down sacrifice bunts or hitting sacrifice flies, etc. I’ve heard a lot of people say that if a pitcher kicks the ball around or throws it up the first-base line, and the offensive team scores, it should be an earned run because you EARNED the run off of the pitcher: He’s the one that made the mistake, the flawed arguer argues.

This makes no sense. Just because it was the pitcher that made the error, doesn’t mean you EARNED anything. It means someone on the other team made an error allowing your team to score a run, and it just happened to be the pitcher. It’s still an UNEARNED run. Get it?

Some Baseball Fun Facts
Well hello. Nice to see you again. How's about I throw a couple of fun facts from the beginning of the 2006 season right at your mouth:

- the Mets have the biggest Divisional lead (5 games) in baseball, and the biggest divisional lead after 12 team games in the HISTORY of baseball.

- On Sunday and Monday, Albert Pujols became the 35th player in Major League history to homer in four straight at-bats. The last had been Carlos Delgado.

- Some kid had so much time on his hands, that he recreated the bottom of the 10th inning of Game 6 of the 1986 World Series (the Buckner game) on that old Nintendo game, RBI Baseball. Mind you it's impossible to have wild pitches or to have balls go between players' legs in that game, but this recreation - along with Vin Scully's and Joe Garagiola's announcing - is pretty fantastic, unless you're a Red Sox fan. Read the article if you want, and then play the video. If you don't want to read the article, stop reading here, because I'm going to give you the punchline: He didn't win the contest he entered, but his creativity did land him a job.

When These Guys Are Batting, Go to the Bathroom
"You don't want to grab a hot dog or soda when this guy's batting. You may miss a 477-foot home run, or an inside-the-park homer." - cliche-happy baseball fan

That's the kind of thing you used to hear about Darryl Strawberry, and currently hear about Barry Bonds or Alex Rodriguez. But what about the guys who, when they're up at the plate, give you the best opportunity to grab a refreshment or take a WC break? To help make you a more efficient baseball game-spectator, I've compiled the following list of players who give you the best opportunity of grabbing a snack without having to ask "What was that roar?" when you get back to your seat.

5. Jason Kendall, C, Oakland Athletics - Kendall hasn't hit a home run since 2004, and isn't even fast anymore (one triple in the last two years). He hasn't really been the same since that disgusting "If you're squeamish look away from your TV" leg injury during a 1999 home plate collision. You might miss something fundamentally sound like a Kendall ground ball to the right side to move a runner over to third with less than two outs, but situational out-making is not what you came to the game for, is it? Well, maybe it is, but still, get a 16-ounce plastic beer for $7 and make sure you get back to your seat in time for Eric Chavez.

4. Nomar Garciaparra, DL, Los Angeles Dodgers - Nomar's not a terrible hitter when he's healthy, at least not yet. He's getting old fast, and he'll never get within .085 points of his 2000 batting average of .372. But like I said, he's not Rey Ordonez at the plate. The problem is that Nomar takes 3 hours adjusting his batting gloves and fondling his helmet and adjusting his cup and regripping his bat. Wait, did I just say that's a problem? Dude, it's totally not a problem for you Mr. or Mrs. BaseballGameSpectator. It's an opporTUNITY! If you hear Nomar's name announced, you'll have time to run to the bathroom, smoke a half a cigarette illegally in the stall, wait on line for 10 minutes, order a jumbo hot dog and a souvenir cup soda, tell the food service employee that you asked for a JUMBO hot dog rather than a regular-sized one, walk to the next refreshment stand to find the extra stash of ketchup, get back to your seat, and probably see the end of Nomar's plate appearance. That is, of course, unless he got injured during the AB and someone else is batting in place of him. In that case, please be advised that Liners, Sliders and Scoops is not responsible for flying bats, batted balls, or injury-induced substitutions.

3. Anderson Hernandez, 2B, New York Mets - The other night, this guy made an insane diving catch in short right field (just click on "Hernandez's grab"), but he hits like your grandmother's grandmother's dead grandmother. When the bat boy gives him his bat, he looks at it like, "What am I supposed to do with this?" The Mets game ended about a half hour ago, and he still hasn't finished his swing at a 2-strike, 91 MPH fastball in the seventh inning (if you're drunk and/or stoned while reading this, that's hyperbole for "this guy can't get around on an average Major League fastball"). The added advantage of getting out of your seat while Hernandez is up? He bats eighth, meaning the pitcher's on deck. Extra time to get done what you need to get done. Still, you better get back for Jose Reyes, or you're going to miss something exciting. (lightning quick prediction: Reyes hits between 12 and 16 homers this year.)

2. Every Florida Marlin (except Miguel Cabrera) - This is how sad the situation is in South Florida: When Dontrelle Willis is pitching, he's the one guy besides Cabrera that you shouldn't leave your seat for. So basically, if you find yourself with tickets to a Marlins game, you have very little to worry about. Of course, the line for the bathroom and beer probably won't be that long anyway.

1. Albert Pujols, 1B, St. Louis Cardinals - No, I'm not drunk. There's a reasonable explanation for why the No. 1 guy on this list is one of the best righty hitters in baseball over the last 25 years. Pujols basically hits a 450-foot home run or a 375-foot double during every at bat. It's always the same result. There's no drama, there's no suspense. He smashes every pitch. The only thing you have to worry about is this: If your seats are in fair territory, make sure that your peanuts or Crackerjacks don't get knocked over by a flying Pujols-struck ball.

My predictions are coming, but here's one from my cousin, Matt Atwan:
"I predict that the Mets will lose 133 games this year and Pedro will only make one start this season."