"The Shot Has Helped Me A Lot."
That is a direct quote from Jason Giambi after his consecutive multi-homer games Sunday and Monday. "The shot has helped me a lot." He was talking about a cortisone shot for his elbow tendonitis, but still. Dude, Jason, you could have said that a few years ago and gotten in A LOT of trouble. Babe Ruth was the Sultan of Swat. Jason, you are The Sultan of Shot. Okay, I stole that line from WFAN radio personality Steve Somers (whom incidentally I have interviewed), but it's still funny.

By the way, I inked Jason to a deal in my fantasy baseball league during the beginning of his July hot cycle - I mean hot STREAK, not CYCLE - so I really do like the rejuvenated version of the Sultan of Shot. Go GiamBEEEEENO!

If I Had A Penny For Every Time I Wanted Lactose...
The Florida Marlins' batboy was suspended for six games because he accepted a $500 dare from Los Angeles pitcher Brad Penny. The bet? Penny said that the boy couldn't drink a gallon of milk in less than an hour without throwing up. Penny won the bet, according to the Miami Herald, because the kid didn't drink the milk in under an hour. He didn't puke though, which is kewl.


The boy got a six-game suspension, and Penny got to keep 500/5,100,000ths of his salary (for you non-Einsteins, that means Penny makes $5.1 million per year). "It's kind of ridiculous that you get a 10-game suspension for steroids and a six-game suspension for milk," Penny told the Herald. He's right. Why the hell was the kid suspended? Nobody died. It's not like it was KAHLUA and milk. It was milk. Lighten up Marlins. I hope the Mets pass you in the Wild Card now. I hope you like finish 4th in the Wild Card, behind the Mets, Astros and Nationals. No, make that fifth. Throw the Phillies in there. Okay bye.

Trivia Question
Guess which one of the following products sponsors Major League Baseball's Comeback Player of the Year Award:

A) Jhirmack "Bounceback beautiful hair" shampoo
B) "The Whizzinator," the medicine that helps you beat a steroid or other drug test.
C) Jergens "revitalizing" lotion
D) Viagra

Believe it or not, the answer is "D," Viagra. In sex, as in baseball, it's good to get your stick back, I guess.

Welcome Back Raffy

Dear Mr. Palmeiro,
CC: All you kids out there

I just wanted to welcome you back to Major League Baseball. It's nice that you went through your suspension without incident. I also wanted to tell you that I have never in my life intentionally believed that you were a stand-up guy and a great hitter. Every time that I have said you were a good hitter, it was actually not intentional. Somebody snuck some words onto my tongue. I don't know how those words got there. But I will be careful from now on.

This sad incident, the one involving me unintentionally saying you were a good player and a stand-up guy, should serve as a warning to all those kids out there. Kids, do not trust anything you say. Bad people with bad intentions may come into your life and try to place bad words onto your tongue. They use very sophisticated tools, and honestly, I don't even know what those tools look like. I think they might look like jigsaws, but I really can't be sure. Maybe a wrench?

Those tools will do bad things to you though. I can't stress this enough, children. Phrases like, "Rafael Palmeiro is honest," or "Rafael Palmeiro deserves to be in the Hall of Fame," or "Rafael Palmeiro deserved to win the A.L. Gold Glove Award that year where he played less than 50 games at first base" - bad people will make you say those things, unintentionally.

Don't let them fool you. Only say the things that YOU want to say. Here, I'm going to try it now. I'm going to try and say something intentionally to Mr. Oriole No. 25:

"Rafael Palmeiro, you let your fans down, you let baseball down, and you let yourself down. If I had a vote for the Hall of Fame, you would not get it. Intentionally, or unintentionally, you would NOT get it."

Sincerely,

Joseph J. Checkler

This Kid Is Quite Alwright
Hey you, stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW, go here and click on the link to check out this catch by The Mets' David Wright. I think it's the best in baseball since that one Jim Edmonds made a few years back. The photo below does NOT do this catch justice!

"I Admitted I Was Powerless Over Steroids, and My Home Run Totals Had Become Unmanageable"