Welcome Back Raffy

Dear Mr. Palmeiro,
CC: All you kids out there

I just wanted to welcome you back to Major League Baseball. It's nice that you went through your suspension without incident. I also wanted to tell you that I have never in my life intentionally believed that you were a stand-up guy and a great hitter. Every time that I have said you were a good hitter, it was actually not intentional. Somebody snuck some words onto my tongue. I don't know how those words got there. But I will be careful from now on.

This sad incident, the one involving me unintentionally saying you were a good player and a stand-up guy, should serve as a warning to all those kids out there. Kids, do not trust anything you say. Bad people with bad intentions may come into your life and try to place bad words onto your tongue. They use very sophisticated tools, and honestly, I don't even know what those tools look like. I think they might look like jigsaws, but I really can't be sure. Maybe a wrench?

Those tools will do bad things to you though. I can't stress this enough, children. Phrases like, "Rafael Palmeiro is honest," or "Rafael Palmeiro deserves to be in the Hall of Fame," or "Rafael Palmeiro deserved to win the A.L. Gold Glove Award that year where he played less than 50 games at first base" - bad people will make you say those things, unintentionally.

Don't let them fool you. Only say the things that YOU want to say. Here, I'm going to try it now. I'm going to try and say something intentionally to Mr. Oriole No. 25:

"Rafael Palmeiro, you let your fans down, you let baseball down, and you let yourself down. If I had a vote for the Hall of Fame, you would not get it. Intentionally, or unintentionally, you would NOT get it."

Sincerely,

Joseph J. Checkler