Oliver Kick
Finally, Pittsburgh Pirates fastballer Oliver Perez has accurately connected with his intended target. Perez decided that after allowing four runs and 12 baserunners - five of them coming on walks - in six innings against the Cardinals Tuesday, he would try and throw his left foot at a clubhouse laundry basket. Congratulations, Oliver. You hit the jackpot. And further congratulations is in order for you. You broke your left big toe and are now on the 15-day disabled list. Maybe you can start pitching with your foot when you come off the DL. Perhaps you will find the plate. But I do have some constructive advice for Mr. Perez. Oliver, you are entirely too skinny. Your waist is like a size 24, at the most. I laugh when I see that you are listed on your baseball card at 200 pounds. You weigh 200 pounds like I can bench press 800 pounds. Eat a calzone while you're on the DL, Oliver. Why don't you have a zeppole while you're at it?