Myth: It’s Tough To Be an Ace Because You Always Throw Against Other Teams’ Aces

I’m sorry, but this is an easy one. I actually have heard announcers say this in 2006: “Well, he doesn’t have as many wins this year because he’s the ace, and as the ace, he has to go against the ace of all the other teams.” This is ludicrous thinking.

All Major League teams have vastly different schedules, not to mention rainouts and injuries. But still, people believe this, so I’m going to really quickly dispel it.

I’m going to take five aces who pitched on Opening Day this year – bona fide aces – and tell you who they’ve pitched against this year. And I’m so confident that I’m going to dispel this myth that I haven’t even looked at the numbers yet. I’m actually going to go into MLB.com right now, and check the numbers for the FIRST time, and there's NO DOUBT in my mind that I'm 100 PERCENT correct. That’s how stinkin’ confident I am.

Let’s pick our five pitchers right now. Okay, I’m thinking: Chris Carpenter, Carlos Zambrano, Johan Santana, Jake Peavy and Jason Schmidt. They’re all aces, right? It’s kind of funny that I picked Carpenter and Zambrano, considering they’re pitching against each other today for the second time this year, but anyway, you get the point.

Needless to say, I’m scrapping Opening Day, because obviously, they pitched against the other team’s ace on Opening Day. Also, a word of caution: a team’s “ace” on opening day might be different than the guy who’s considered their ace a few months into the season, because of poor/great performances, so I’ll just put “ace” in quotes if it’s a former ace, or the ace of a really average pitching staff (like, say, Aaron Harang of the Reds or something).

Here we go. I’m looking the numbers up now. You’re about to win some knowledge…

Zambrano: April, after Opening Day – Chris Carpenter (ace of Cardinals), Eric Milton (not the ace of the Reds), Derek Lowe (yes, he was at the time the “ace” of the Dodgers), Jason Vargas (not the ace of the Marlins), Chris Capuano (only the ace of the Brewers because of Ben Sheets’s injuries).

May – Chan Ho Park (not the ace of the Padres), Matt Cain (not the ace of the Giants), Livan Hernandez (I guess he’s the ace of the Nationals), Jose Contreras (maybe now he’s the ace of the White Sox, but not then), Tim Hudson (not the ace of the Braves), Eric Milton (still not the ace of the Reds).

June – Taylor Buchholz (probably wasn’t the ace of his little league team, let alone the Houston Astros), Brandon Claussen (our latest winning entry in the 'WHO’S NOT THE ACE OF THE REDS?' sweepstakes), Fernando Nieve (he pitches for the Astros, and he might be an ace pool player, but not an ace pitcher), CC Sabathia (clearly the ace of the Indians), Zach Jackson (another Milwaukee non-ace),

July (I’m getting tired of looking this stuff up, my point is being proven, but I WILL give you July for Zambrano, and then tie this little article together, and link to the Game Logs of the other 4 aces so you can waste your own time looking this stuff up) – Mark Buehrle (kind of the ace of the White Sox), Zach Jackson (as I said, NOT the ace of the Brewers), Tom Glavine (sorry, it’s Pedro that's the ace of the Metropolitans), Andy Pettitte (maybe would’ve been the ace of the Astros eight years ago), and Tom Glavine again.

Okay, time to tally it up: 22 starts: 3 games against pretty clear aces (Carpenter, Hernandez and Sabathia), 4 games against “kinda” aces (Lowe, Capuano, Contreras and Buehrle), and 15 games against non-aces.

What does that tell you? It tells you that Major League Baseball teams’ schedules are so uncorrelated to each other that any time two aces face each other, it’s because of luck and happenstance and not because the pitching rotations were organized in a certain way as to create an ace-against-ace matchup.

Okay, here are the links to those other pitchers’ game logs. If you actually go through the work, you’re as much of a loser as I am, and there are group therapy sessions for people like us.

Carpenter's Game Log

Santana's Game Log

Peavy's Game Log

Schmidt's Game Log

Myth: Rookie of the Year candidates are Always ‘Rookies’

This is not about Ichiro Suzuki or Hideki Matsui coming from Japan and being classified as “rookies” just because it’s their first year in the United States. That’s like, so last year.

This is about Mike Jacobs and Bobby Jenks, two strong contenders for the Rookie of the Year awards in the National and American Leagues, respectively, in 2006. “Wait,” you say, “Bobby Jenks? Wasn’t he the closer for the White Sox at the end of last season, and in the postseason?” Good question, loyal reader of Liners, Sliders and Scoops.

But because of some stupid rule, Jenks actually still qualifies for Rookie of the Year this year, because he threw LESS THAN 50 INNINGS and spent LESS THAN 45 DAYS ON A MAJOR LEAGUE ROSTER in previous Major League seasons. He pitched 39.1 innings in 32 games last year, saving six games in eight chances, and obviously threw in the postseason, too. But he’s eligible for Rookie of the Year. Are you serious, Major League Baseball? Are you really serious? By these standards, a reliever could theoretically be called up in September, save 26 games in 29 days or something, and still be considered A ROOKIE the NEXT YEAR.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you the dish on Jacobs, who plays first base for the Marlins after hitting 11 frickin’ homers in 100 at bats last year for the Mets. He hit 11 homers in 30 games, and this guy is STILL A ROOKIE. You want to know why? Jacobs, like Jenks, did not spend 45 days on the Mets’ roster last year, and he had less than 130 at bats. So if a guy is called up, hits 60 homers in 30 days to win the home-run title, he’s STILL A ROOKIE NEXT YEAR? I’m sorry, but this rule is ridiculous.

How do we change this rule? How about this: a batter is still a rookie if he has less than 75 ABs in his career, and a relief pitcher has to appear in less than 10 games to keep his rookie status (maybe 5 starts for a starting pitcher, or 25 innings for a guy who starts a few games and relieves in a few others). There’s the new rule. Oh, and the 75 ABs or 10 games have to be IN JUST ONE SEASON. If you’ve appeared in Major League games for two or more seasons, you are NOT A ROOKIE.

Okay, I’ll petition Bud Selig now. Thank you for listening.

By the way, vote for Francisco Liriano in the American League and Jacobs's teammate Danny Uggla in the National League, okay? That’ll make everything a lot easier.

I Totally Jinxed Joe Mauer
Who knew that Liners, Sliders and Scoops has the power to jinx people? In case you don't look at the box scores from every single Major League Baseball game every single day like I do, Joe Mauer took the weekend off, at least from the base-hit club. He took oh-fers on Saturday and Sunday, meaning he experienced his first two-straight-game period of hitlessness this season.

Let's see, with this newfound key to life, I have to figure out what door to unlock. Okay, I've got it: I'm going to make a prediction that Joseph Checkler, the publisher of Liners, Sliders and Scoops, WILL NOT win $1 million at any time this year.

By the way, this whole jinxing ordeal reminds ME to remind YOU that CAPITAL LETTERS are FUN to use, and also that there IS ONE MYTH that's REALLY NOT A MYTH: the announcer's jinx. If a kicker has made 493 straight kicks, and Jim Nantz says so on the air, Nantz might as well be eight-feet tall, standing on the field, BLOCKING the kick. Because with his words, that's EXACTLY what he's done.

Liners, Sliders and Scoops is happy to have the same power as the New Jersey native Nantz, and even happier to know that we have NOT - like Nantz - gone on the record about our friendship with/financial support for the Bush family. (If you're scoring from home, the "friendship with" and "financial support for" links are separate links.)

Quick Joe Mauer Stat That Will Blow Your Mind
Joe Mauer of the Twins, who's batting .391 this year, HAS NOT HAD TWO STRAIGHT HITLESS GAMES THE ENTIRE SEASON. Did you swallow your tongue digesting that statistic? If not, you should have. Actually, I just read in the book "Why Do Men Have Nipples: Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini" that it's physically impossible to swallow your tongue.

Myth: It’s Okay to Celebrate a Little After a Homer

When Paul Lo Duca got all pissy with Alex Rodriguez for the way A-Rod flipped his bat and looked for a friend in the dugout after a grand slam Sunday, I found myself immediately thinking that what A-Rod had done was totally benign, and that Lo Duca should understand that he wasn’t trying to “show the pitcher up,” whatever the hell that means.

But after I read Lo Duca’s post game quote about the incident – “He’s a great player…you hit it, you watch it. That’s fine…You don’t toss your bat and look in your dugout and do that. I thought that was disrespectful.” – I decided that I was wrong and Lo Duca was right.

We’ve become conditioned to think that Major League players are within their limits to admire their own work - to be Rickey Henderson and hot dog it a little – because it’s entertaining and it shows us a little of their personalities. It’s not dissimilar to the way managers are conditioned to bring in their closer with two outs in the ninth with the tying run ON DECK, just because the closer will earn a “save” statistic if he gets the final out.

Well BOTH are wrong. Back in the day, managers didn’t manage with an eye on the statistics. And players who stood at home plate watching their ball fly or performed a little stutter-step dance move before touching each base during a home run-trot would get an earful of stitched leather during their next AB. Now, Carlos Zambrano doing his stupid little celebrations after each strikeout is just “Zamby being Zamby,” and Alex Rodriguez’s tossing of his bat is practically a non-issue.

I’m here to say it’s NOT a non-issue. (That's a double-negative: It IS an issue is clearer.) Hit the ball, put your head down, run around the bases, do a closed-fist greeting to the guy who’s batting after you, go into the dugout, get some pats on the hiney, get out of the dugout if you want to wave to the fans, go back in the dugout and get a drink of water, sit down, talk to the hitting coach about what type of pitch it was, get your glove, go back into the field, and stop thinking about yourself.

(Note: I think it’s okay to pump your fist, clap your hands, make the “safe” sign while you’re crossing first base, point with your glove to a teammate that just made a nice play, or throw down the rosin bag after you give up a 523-foot home run. And if you want to point to Jesus after every inning because you think that he cares how many strikeouts you get, do it discretely, do it quickly, but hey, you’re religious, I’ll allow it.)

Other than that, play baseball, and leave the celebrations for after you win the World Series.