Paul Quantrill Can You Please Protect Me?
In case you missed it, Paul Quantrill – the 6’0, 200-pound enforcer disguised as a sometimes unreliable New York Yankees relief pitcher – played some good ol’ fashioned American hardball and then talked some serious Canadian-style trash during and after a game with the Detroit Tigers earlier this week.

Retaliating for the Tigers hitting Alex Rodriguez earlier in the game, Quantrill threw one behind Jason Smith, prompting the umpire to warn both dugouts that another shady pitch would result in a pitcher/manager dual-ejection. Quantrill fired the next pitch toward the bull’s eye on Smith’s upper back, and hit it squarely. Upon his ejection, Quantrill, who is extremely dorky looking if I can use an eighth grade word here, waved to the angry Tigers dugout, inviting them to come on out for a donnybrook. “If they want to come out, just come out," Quantrill was quoted as saying in The New York Times. "If they've got a problem with me, standing six feet in front of the dugout and chirping is just nonsense."

Even better was what he said the next day in response to Dmitri Young’s comments about how pitchers should not throw toward a batter’s head: “That's not close to his head," Quantrill said to the Times. "Dmitri, I think, wears his do-rag too tight. I don't need to hear Dmitri." (Good job by the Times finding "do-rag" in their newspaper style guide, by the way. Ya gotta spell that shiite right).

Dear Paul: Where did this fire come from you Canadian hockey hooligan? Paul Quantrill, I will engage in conventional or guerilla warfare with you any time. Unless, of course, that war involves you throwing a baseball. I’m only kidding man. Dude, I’m joking. My headband is too tight. Please don’t hit me.