The Best Burger in Bay Ridge is at Burger Bistro

I previously awarded this title to Longbow, but there's really no question that the best burger in Bay Ridge is at the 3rd Avenue version of Burger Bistro, a two-post outfit (the other one is in Park Slope) that isn't terribly expensive and has exactly zero ounces of pretentiousness. They give you this kitschy little laminated card to check off all your fixins': I recommend that at least at first, you go standard - a medium rare cheeseburger on a brioche bun with bacon - just to appreciate the wonderfulness of this burger, which Zagat recently called the second best in all of New York (that's a stretch, but not by much.). Also, they have these things called Buffalo tater tots and holy crap they're amazing. Get them. Immediately. 

Best burger in Bay Ridge

Burger Bistro

7217 3rd Avenue

Brooklyn, NY  11209

(718) 833-5833

The best barbecue in Bay Ridge WAS at Aloha Grinds

Aloha Grinds is was an interesting place. They're Hawaiian, they serve(d) very good coffee both by the serving and by the bag, they make a ridiculously good breakfast sandwich, they have had Spam and they know knew how to use it, they have had very irregular hours and they'll admit as much on their Website, but oh man, they serve(d) barbecue that's different and increddddible. All of it is was good. I mean, the ribs are were really a standout, but even if it's like that one time we went and they didn't have enough to serve them in anything but the mixed plate, nothing is was disappointing. It matters a bit, but the chicken, pork chops, boneless ribs - everything they serve(d) here - is great. I'm not saying you shouldn't come here for breakfast and coffee and Connect Four - that's right, they have board games here - but the barbecue is what makes a kitchy coffee shop an actual destination.

UPDATE - SADLY, ALOHA GRINDS HAS CLOSED AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND A NEW BEST BARBECUE PLACE IN BAY RIDGE.

Best Barbecue In Bay Ridge

Aloha Grinds (CLOSED)
7604 3rd Ave (near 76th Street)
Brooklyn, NY  11209
(718) 238-0456

The Best Chinese Spare Ribs In Midtown Are at Joe's Shanghai

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I like to make fun of myself because I really really am in this lifelong hunt for the best "Chinese" bbq spare ribs, but the other day I had what are apparently actually authentic Shanghai ribs, and I'm making fun of myself even more. These were really spectacular. They had some kind of smokey kind of thing going on, and while I've heard conflicting reports over whether "falling off the bone" is really something I should care about, the meat was falling off the bone and I really didn't care either way. The black sauce isn't always my favorite, but in this case it was. I even scandalously allowed some of the sauce to droop into my vegetable fried rice, and it wasn't my worst idea of the day. The issue for me is that you can only get them as a lunch special, for $9.35 with some veggie fried rice and an egg roll and a soup. And I don't think they're even available at the Joe's Shanghai downtown or it's next-door, less-crowded sister Joe's Ginger you know, the one with the amazing soup dumplings. But whatevs. Get the lunch special.

Best Chinese Spare Ribs in Midtown


Joe's Shanghai
24 West 56th Street (b/w 5th and 6th Aves)
New York, NY  10019
(212) 333-3868

The Best Pizza in Park Slope is at South Brooklyn Pizza

One of the greatest things that ever happened in life was South Brooklyn Pizza, the venerable not-as-amazing-as-Lucali-but-pretty-damn-good-in-its-own-way spot on Court Street in Carroll Gardens, deciding to come to Park Slope. There are a lot of good food things going on in Park Slope, but I had always been annoyed that I couldn't get great pizza. That all changed when South Brooklyn Pizza opened on 4th Avenue a bit over a year ago. The sauce is so amazingly simple. It's San Marzano crushed tomatoes and some garlic (at least I'm pretty sure it is), and I don't think the sauce is cooked before it goes on the pie. It just cooks with the pizza, in that really hot oven. (Try it at home on a piece of 8-inch flatbread, after preheating your oven to 500 for like 20 minutes. It's simple but it's fantastic.). Of course, the dough is great too at South Brooklyn, and you don't even need any toppings. I mean, maybe you like toppings, and so do I, I'm just saying, why don't you try a plain one for once in your life. ONCE in your pathetic life. I'm being harsh. But do it.

Best Pizza in Park Slope


South Brooklyn Pizza
63 4th Avenue
Brooklyn, NY  11217
(718) 399-7770

The Best Burger in Bay Ridge Is At Longbow Pub & Pantry

I know, you're probably never in Bay Ridge, because you're not adventurous and you're super weird. But if you ever ARE in Bay Ridge, and you want a really superbly cooked burger with Welsh rarebit cheese, order the Longbow burger at Longbow Pub & Pantry. That's what it's called. It's kind of hard to forget that. The beer selection isn't bad either. And neither is Bay Ridge in general.



Best burger in Bay Ridge

Longbow Pub & Pantry
7316 3rd Avenue
Brooklyn, NY  11209
718-238-7468

The Best Fried Chicken in the Financial District is at Kyedong in the Hanover Square Cafe.

This is post one in my ambitious project to find the No. 1 anything in every single neighborhood in New York. I feel like not many people know about it, except for the amazing folks at Midtown Lunch who wrote about it here. Midtown Lunch is definitely going to be my cheat sheet for trying to find the BEST everything in Midtown and downtown Manhattan. I put Kyedong on the fried chicken list rather than "wings" list because they give you a few regular drumsticks and wings with your order. They're crispy, hot, sweet, juicy. They're everything you want. And they give you a TON, with fries. Just go buy them. Until they lose the belt, they're the champions of fried chicken in the Financial District.

Best Fried Chicken in the Financial District

Cafe Hanover (Kyedong Chicken Counter)

5 Hanover Square at Pearl Street

212-809-6808

Where Do I Find The Perfect ___ In The ____ Neighborhood In NYC?

I don't know about you, but I always find myself Googletating some form of that question. I work in Midtown, and I want to know where to find the PERFECT Chinese spare ribs within walking distance from my office.

That's probably because I have unhealthy obsessions for weird things like unauthentic, Chinese-American Chinese spare ribs, usually called "BBQ Spare Ribs" on the appetizer portion of a Chinese menu, and often making a second appearance under "Special Combination Platters," with some sort of letter combination like G-12 or something. (By the way, the picture on the left looks like it's of really good ribs in Midtown, but really it's of really crappy ones at a place in the Financial District. I'm just a superb photographer.)

Obviously, "perfect" is a relative word, but I find it frustrating that whenever I do the Google on a question like that, or even maybe something simpler like "Where can I find the best pizza in Murray Hill" or "the best Buffalo wings on the Upper West Side" or "the best burger in Bay Ridge," I just find a combination of the same question being asked by an AOL user in 2005, before the Internet was even invented, or just a congregation of 254 Yelp results sorted in whatever the hell way Yelp sorts stuff out.

In fact, and obviously I'm really frustrated by this or I wouldn't still be bitching about it, but I feel like even trying to Google "where are the best Buffalo wings in the entirety of New York City," you still don't get perfect results. God, I keep saying perfect.

Anyway, I feel like I can help with this problem. Why not try to answer these questions? I mean, it's always going to be a never-ending project, but why not at least put some effort into figuring out where to get the perfect everything everywhere in the city that always claims to have everything (except clean and succinct Google search results). So I'm going to try.

I already have a few of the answers: I genuinely feel like I know where to get the best soup dumplings and fried rice in Chinatown (Joe's Shanghai) or the best pizza in South Slope (Giuseppina's) and the best Halal food in Midtown (Famous 53rd Street or whatever the hell they call themselves, ON THE SOUTHWEST corner of 53rd and 6th), or the best Taylor ham, egg & cheese sandwich in the Theatre District (Starlight Deli, probably because you can't find that sandwich anywhere else in NYC sans two or three places), but I want a list that's somewhat exhaustive.

I feel like the most organized way to do this is to create food guides on one of my favorite sites, foodspotting.com, like I've done with the still-in-progress "Great Bay Ridge Pizza Experiment." I'll make guides like "Most Perfect Chinese spare ribs in NYC by neighborhood" and then when I find something I think is at least a contender, I'll add that photo. Then of course I'll blog about it here, and hopefully start coming up really high in the Google hits. The idea is to have ONE ANSWER and ONE ANSWER ONLY for every question. That's the goal.

By the time I'm 745 years old, maybe I'll Take The Check will be the definitive guide to where to get the perfect slice of average, soggy pizza in Washington Heights.

You're welcome!

Super Bowl Prediction, 2012

Record for playoffs: 8-2

Record Vs. Spread: 7-3

Patriots vs. Giants (Pats favored by 3)

Complaining about the emotional pounding a fan of a Super Bowl team takes when he/she has to suffer through two excruciating weeks of over-analysis is kind of like complaining about how you just CAN'T GAIN WEIGHT no matter WHAT YOU DO, but the two weeks have been rough for me. I feel like I've gone through every scenario in my head, the ones involving the Pats exacting revenge, the Giants' offensive line being exposed, a total repeat of 2007 except for the whole miracle ending part, Terrell Owens-like heroics from Rob Gronkowski, a Giants' blowout, a Pats' blowout, and probably 1,541 different combinations of all those scenarios.

But I keep coming back to one thing: The Giants are better than the Patriots. The talk about how the Giants can't win if their pass rush isn't dominant is wrong. The amount of pressure they're getting on quarterbacks hasn't substantially changed these past five games, they're actually just covering better. Add to that the fact that you KNOW they'll get SOME heat on Tom Brady and then multiply it by the fact that Gronkowski isn't 100%, and all of a sudden stopping the Pats becomes a much easier proposition.

"Easier" doesn't mean "easy," though. This is Bill Belichick with two weeks of preparation and Tom Brady trying to wash out the 2007 taste from his mouth with soap. But the Giants have Eli Manning, who you may've heard isn't so bad at handling adversity. He has everything you want in a Super Bowl quarterback: the experience, the arm, the brain, the ability to feel the rush. These games are always tight, but when it gets to the end, it's in Eli that I trust.

Giants 27, Pats 20

Conference Title Games, 2012

Record for playoffs: 7-1

Record (vs. spread): 5-3

Ravens (+7) over @Patriots

Time for a macro prediction: The Super Bowl everyone wants is Giants/Pats, so one of them has to lose. We never get EXACTLY what we want. A few years ago, the Eagles ruined a possible all-Pa. Sper Bowl by losing to Arizona, one year after the Giants ruined the Brett Favre/Tom Brady storyline (which wouldnt've gotten nauseating at ALL!). Again, I have no other reason to pick the Ravens other than "they're going to screw this Giants/Pats rematch up."

Ravens 27, Pats 24

Giants (+2) over @49'ers

At this point in the year, the Giants are clearly the best team in the NFL. This isn't where this thing ends. They can overcome turnovers, bad calls, it just isn't going to matter. The Niners are an afterthought on another Giants' Super Bowl run.

Giants 34, 49'ers 13

Divisional Playoffs, Sunday

Record for playoffs: 5-1

Record (vs. spread): 4-2

@Ravens (-7.5) over Texans

This spread should be higher. Experienced playoff teams like Baltimore don't lose home playoff games against teams like Houston that are quarterbacked by items called T.J. Yates's's.

Ravens 27, Texans 3

Giants (+7.5) over @Packers

Oooh, I love this, I can totally pick the Giants under the auspices that one road team MUST win this weekend instead of saying it's because I'm the BIGGEST HOMER IN THE WORLD. In all seriousness, I'm scared to death that the Giants are being given such a chance to win, but I think they're going to do it. At this point in the season, the Giants are peaking and the Packers peaked WEEKS ago and you KNOW it. Happy 2007!

Giants 27, Packers 20

Divisional Playoff Games, Saturday

Record last week: 4-0

Record last week (against spread): 2-2

@49'ers (+3.5) over Saints

I'm having a tough time being objective about this game, mostly because if the Giants win Sunday, one of these teams (the Saints) will most likely crush them next week and the other (San Fran) would probably - at worst - only beat the G-Men by three. But I have to be objective, and that means that however sloppy the Niners are able to make this game - and I think they will get it slow enough to compete and at least cover the spread - they won't have enough offense to put the Saints away. You don't bet against Drew Brees if you think that. I mean, maybe you do, but I don't.

Saints 24, 49'ers 21

@Patriots (-13.5) over Broncos

Patriots fans are super worried about this game, more worried than I've ever heard them. That might be the best reverse reverse reverse jinx in the world. Teams who are actually cognizant of the upset possibility and ramifications of said upset usually win easily. Tim Tebow or not, that's what happens here.

Patriots 37, Broncos 3

Wild Card Sunday

@GIANTS (-3) over Falcons

This game is pretty much a referendum on whether the Giants are peaking or not. I've watched every game this year, and it smells like 2007. Call me a homer.

Giants 30, Falcons 16

@BRONCOS (+9) over Steelers

One underdog has to win this weekend. That's all.

Broncos 19, Steelers 13

Playoff Picks: Wild Card Saturday

Bengals (+4) over @TEXANS

Um, why is a team QB'd by something called T.J. Yates favored by more than a field goal in a playoff game? If you can answer that question for me in the next 3 minutes, maybe I'll change my pick.

TEXANS 16, Bengals 13

Lions (+10.5) over @SAINTS

This is going to be a shootout. I bet you didn't know that. Let's just say I love the Saints at -9.5, and I hate them at -10.5. I like the over too even though It's 60!!!

SAINTS 38, Lions 28