I Guess It's Not Bad When Your Bullpen Is Rested
Knock-knock. Who's there? Houston Astros bullpen. Houston Astros bullpen who? What about the White Sox bullpen?

What we found out tonight is that the Cotts' and Jenks' of the world aren't bad, even when matched up with the Qualls' and the Lidges. It's kind of surprising that we were even given the opportunity to figure this out with our own eyeballs, considering Ozzie Guillen's recent history of letting his starting pitchers throw until they either won the game or were assassinated.

Also, while I'm here blogging for the first time in a while, I would like to say that my lovely and talented girlfriend Beth Carney, who finished WAAAYYY ahead of me in our fantasy baseball league this year - even though I'm her mentor - brought up an interesting point while we were watching Joe Crede get interviewed for his theatrically sound performance Saturday night. "Where did he come from?" she asked. EGGZACTLY. Where did Joe come from? It is refreshing to have a guy named Joe playing this well though, I must say.

But seriously, stay tuned, actually, for a guest blogging appearance by Beth in which she will tell you why the Yankees are far from a failure, even though they have not won a World Series since the last full year of the Clintonian era.

Boy Was I Wrong
Yeah, so those comments I made about the Red Sox, I'm sorry about that. Ozzie Guillen has a team in Chicago that does all the small stuff exquisitely. Middle relief from El Duque that will go down as one of the best pitching performances of the postseason, a squeeze play for the insurance run, some timely home run hitting: that's what good teams do in the playoffs. And while I'm here, that thing I said about Mike Mussina being the key to the Yankees because Randy Johnson is just fine. Yeah, um, I was just kidding. I know nothing. And by the way, per my prediction, yes I must wear a thong on my head during a trip to a Thai restaurant over the next three to five months.

A Quick Word on the Boston Red Sox
I'm not an insider, so I obviously am at a disadvantage when it comes to making predictions on this blog. But I need to get this off my chest. The Boston Red Sox will beat the Chicago White Sox and advance to the American League Championship Series. They might be down 0-2. I don't care. The Red Sox will not lose to the White Sox. Put that in your windshield washer fluid compartment and wipe it.

Random Funny Picture

One Sentence On Each Series

RED SOX VS. WHITE SOX
While Chicago's offensive showing was the most surprising event of Tuesday, remember that the Red Sox have a little bit of experience staging comebacks.

YANKEES VS. ANGELS
Now that Mussina won Game One, what looked like a dangerous series for the Yankees looks like a cakewalk in my book (not to put all my money on a team after one game or anything).

CARDINALS VS. PADRES
To have a chance, the Padres needed needed NEEDED to win the game that Peavy started, not lose him for the rest of the playoffs - two games - because his rib fell out.

ASTROS VS. BRAVES
At least the Braves didn't lose on Tuesday, like they will on Wednesday.

Who Would've Guessed It? Yanks and Sox BOTH in Playoffs-Shocker!
Okay, so after all the fuss and all the talk about the craziness of the American League in 2005, we’re back to where we’ve always been. The Central Division champion is made of Shop-Rite Scrunchy brand paper plates, the Western Division champion is the team that nobody is talking about, and, oh yeah, one other thing, the Yankees are the Eastern Division champ and the Red Sox are the Wild Card.

I said a few months ago that the World Series would be the Cardinals over the Red Sox. I have to stick by it, but I have some doubts about that. A few thoughts on the eve of the eve of the playoffs: and don’t worry, I’ll be blogging regularly during the postseason.

-The Angels might make the World Series again.

-The Astros, if they can get anyone to go pick up some bats from the Louisville Slugger factory, might have a shot at grabbing their first N.L. pennant.

-The Yankees will go as far as Mike Mussina takes them. Randy Johnson will be fine. If Mussina does well, the Yankees could win everything. If he does badly, especially at the start, they won’t even make it past the Angels.

-If the White Sox beat the Red Sox, I will wear a pair of women's thong underwear on my head at a Thai restaurant sometime in the next 3.5 months.

Mariano Rivera Had Tommy John Surgery in 1992
I never knew this until yesterday, and I wonder how many people know it. I found it on this list under the "Tommy John Surgery" entry on wikipedia.org, and was stunned. I confirmed it with multiple sources. Speaking of Wikipedia, the Joseph Checkler entry is also quite excellent.

Did YOU know about the Mo/Tommy John connection? Post a comment. Let me know.

Post-Roid, It's a Story If Barry ALMOST Homers
How funny is it that this morning's New York Times has the following headline? "Bonds, At 41, Nearly Hits a Home Run in His Return to the Giants." - Nearly hits a home run? Ha ha. That makes me laugh. I wonder who's first on the all-time "near home run list."

Welcome Back Barry! -
Dear Barry Bonds,

*Hi Barry. Beisbol. You playing beisbol tonight, huh my friend? It’s about friggin’ time.

*I guess you just wanted to make sure that your 13 knee surgeries had all healed properly. It’s funny how long it took you to heal. Oh, speaking of healing slowly, whichummacallit, um, I just read somewhere that when somebody stops doing steroids, it is much easier for them to get injured and much harder for them to heal. Have you ever heard that?

*But anyway, back to my main point. I’m glad to see that you’re grabbing your lunch pail, putting on your uniform, rolling up your sleeves and getting back to the game. Which reminds me: Can you roll up your sleeves for me for a minute? I just want to see how large your muscles are? I want to have a role model to look up to, someone whose muscles I can look up to.

*It’s so admirable that you’ve always been a class guy and a class teammate. I mean you’re so nice to your teammates, that you give them all the space that they want. How admirable it is of you to stay at a different hotel than the rest of the team? When the team is stretching before batting practice, it’s seriously so nice of you to stretch on your own so they don’t have to smell the body odor coming from your underarms. And those three lockers you have in the corner of the Giants locker room, I heard that you once let a teammate touch one of the lockers. Dude, you’re a class act.

*So as you come back today, I just wanted to welcome you to the new National League West. The new N.L. West is led by a team that’s been hovering around .500 the entire season, the San Diego Padres. I really think that you can help your Giants make a run at the mediocre Padres.

*Which makes me remember to ask you, Why are you coming back again? Are you coming back to make a run at the postseason, or are you coming back because you think you can hit 11 homers this month to catch Babe Ruth and then 42 next year to beat Hank Aaron? I know, I know, you’ll let your muscles do the talking. You’ll let those legitimate, non-performance-enhanced, natural muscles do the talking. I can’t wait to see you play Barry.

*I can’t wait to see you play. I can’t wait to see you be a role model for all those kids out there that you can teach about honesty, and fairness. You must be so happy to be back, you role model. You’re a friggin’ role model. You’re wonderful Barry.

*BARRY, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I USED ASTERISKS AT THE BEGINNING OF ALL MY PARAGRAPHS TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I WASN'T TOTALLY BEING LEVEL WITH YOU THROUGHOUT ANY OF MY LETTER. YOU SHOULD START GETTING USED TO ASTERISKS. WE LIKE TO USE THEM WHEN PEOPLE AREN'T BEING LEVEL WITH EACH OTHER ABOUT THINGS. HERE'S AN EXAMPLE OF WHERE YOU MIGHT SEE ASTERISKS:

HOME RUN LEADERS
BONDS - 759*
AARON - 755
RUTH - 714
MAYS - 660

*STEROID AIDED

"The Shot Has Helped Me A Lot."
That is a direct quote from Jason Giambi after his consecutive multi-homer games Sunday and Monday. "The shot has helped me a lot." He was talking about a cortisone shot for his elbow tendonitis, but still. Dude, Jason, you could have said that a few years ago and gotten in A LOT of trouble. Babe Ruth was the Sultan of Swat. Jason, you are The Sultan of Shot. Okay, I stole that line from WFAN radio personality Steve Somers (whom incidentally I have interviewed), but it's still funny.

By the way, I inked Jason to a deal in my fantasy baseball league during the beginning of his July hot cycle - I mean hot STREAK, not CYCLE - so I really do like the rejuvenated version of the Sultan of Shot. Go GiamBEEEEENO!

If I Had A Penny For Every Time I Wanted Lactose...
The Florida Marlins' batboy was suspended for six games because he accepted a $500 dare from Los Angeles pitcher Brad Penny. The bet? Penny said that the boy couldn't drink a gallon of milk in less than an hour without throwing up. Penny won the bet, according to the Miami Herald, because the kid didn't drink the milk in under an hour. He didn't puke though, which is kewl.


The boy got a six-game suspension, and Penny got to keep 500/5,100,000ths of his salary (for you non-Einsteins, that means Penny makes $5.1 million per year). "It's kind of ridiculous that you get a 10-game suspension for steroids and a six-game suspension for milk," Penny told the Herald. He's right. Why the hell was the kid suspended? Nobody died. It's not like it was KAHLUA and milk. It was milk. Lighten up Marlins. I hope the Mets pass you in the Wild Card now. I hope you like finish 4th in the Wild Card, behind the Mets, Astros and Nationals. No, make that fifth. Throw the Phillies in there. Okay bye.

Trivia Question
Guess which one of the following products sponsors Major League Baseball's Comeback Player of the Year Award:

A) Jhirmack "Bounceback beautiful hair" shampoo
B) "The Whizzinator," the medicine that helps you beat a steroid or other drug test.
C) Jergens "revitalizing" lotion
D) Viagra

Believe it or not, the answer is "D," Viagra. In sex, as in baseball, it's good to get your stick back, I guess.

Welcome Back Raffy

Dear Mr. Palmeiro,
CC: All you kids out there

I just wanted to welcome you back to Major League Baseball. It's nice that you went through your suspension without incident. I also wanted to tell you that I have never in my life intentionally believed that you were a stand-up guy and a great hitter. Every time that I have said you were a good hitter, it was actually not intentional. Somebody snuck some words onto my tongue. I don't know how those words got there. But I will be careful from now on.

This sad incident, the one involving me unintentionally saying you were a good player and a stand-up guy, should serve as a warning to all those kids out there. Kids, do not trust anything you say. Bad people with bad intentions may come into your life and try to place bad words onto your tongue. They use very sophisticated tools, and honestly, I don't even know what those tools look like. I think they might look like jigsaws, but I really can't be sure. Maybe a wrench?

Those tools will do bad things to you though. I can't stress this enough, children. Phrases like, "Rafael Palmeiro is honest," or "Rafael Palmeiro deserves to be in the Hall of Fame," or "Rafael Palmeiro deserved to win the A.L. Gold Glove Award that year where he played less than 50 games at first base" - bad people will make you say those things, unintentionally.

Don't let them fool you. Only say the things that YOU want to say. Here, I'm going to try it now. I'm going to try and say something intentionally to Mr. Oriole No. 25:

"Rafael Palmeiro, you let your fans down, you let baseball down, and you let yourself down. If I had a vote for the Hall of Fame, you would not get it. Intentionally, or unintentionally, you would NOT get it."

Sincerely,

Joseph J. Checkler

This Kid Is Quite Alwright
Hey you, stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW, go here and click on the link to check out this catch by The Mets' David Wright. I think it's the best in baseball since that one Jim Edmonds made a few years back. The photo below does NOT do this catch justice!

"I Admitted I Was Powerless Over Steroids, and My Home Run Totals Had Become Unmanageable"

I Wish I Wore Carpenter's Pants
Chris Carpenter is pitching tonight. I’m too lazy to put his picture up again (see “My Attempt at Predicting the Rest of the Season” below for his photo). Okay, so anyway, in his last seven starts, he’s given up a TOTAL of three runs in 59 2/3 innings. He’s walked nine men in those seven starts, given up 30 hits, and struck out 57. In none of those starts has he gone less than 7 2/3 innings. His season ERA is now 2.26. As you know, Liners, Sliders and Scoops does not recognize wins and losses as official statistics, but if you do, he’s 14-4. Can you say Cy Young?

Oh and on a related note, I traded Dontrelle Willis for Randy Johnson in one of my fantasy leagues just at the right time. In just THREE STARTS since I traded Dontrelle, he’s given up 23 runs. THREE STARTS! Randy’s finally finding himself. Remember, it’s always good to sell high, before the guy goes into his slump. Anybody who thought Dontrelle Willis was going to go the entire season with an ERA under 2.00 has an IQ under 2.00.


I still like Dontrelle's herkity-jerkity pitching motion.

Those Darn Sox Fans
"Did they win?" - THE FIRST THING my co-worker [who told me to delete his name], a Red Sox fan, said after I told him about the Carl Crawford line drive that hit Matt Clement in the head and sent him to the hospital. Not, "How was the CT Scan,?" or "Is he okay?" "DID THEY WIN?!!"

Here's a quote from me: "Thank goodness Clement is alright. Come back soon Matt."


Can you imagine if they used aluminum bats in the Majors? I don't even want to think about it.

Is Sheffield Scared of Being Traded?
When Gary Sheffield played for Milwaukee, he purposely tanked ground balls so they would trade him. He admitted this! Eventually, he got his wish.

A few weeks back, Sheffield went on WFAN's Mike and the Mad Dog show and basically said that he is only playing baseball because he is on the Yankees, and that if he is traded, the new team will not get his fullest effort. So the last few days, I have put one and one together, and am starting to think that in these few days leading up to the July 31 trading deadline, Sheff is giving it less than his best.

I could be wrong, but Sheffield opened this line of cross examination himself years ago when he admitted to not bending down all the way for all those grounders in Milwaukee. I've been watching Yankee games, and seen Sheffield swing at more first pitches the last five or six games than ever before. Not only that, but he's waving at pitches, like throwing his bat out to tap a low-and-outside pitch and popping it up uselessly to center field, and not hustling even more than his usual non-hustling style of running.

In five games since July 20, he's for 3-for-25 with four strikeouts, after going 20-for-53 (.377) the first 15 games in July with seven homers, 20 RBI and just three Ks. This is hardly proof that Sheffield has been intentionally screwing up at the plate, but I'm just saying the idea of it - no doubt aided by the fact that he has gone on the record admitting to selfishly not trying - has popped into my head more than a few times in the last week.

To be a "professional" and have the kind of reputation that even makes someone THINK that sort of thing is inexcusable. Let's see how Sheffield plays once the trading deadline passes and he's still a Yankee.

It won't prove anything, but it sure will make me ask more questions.

Kenny, Smile For the Camera
I've been wondering, do you think there are any pictures from Kenny Rogers' wedding? I mean, did he make the cameraman not go in the limo with him and his new wife? When they got to the reception, did he allow photos to be snapped? Hmm.










As you can see, I've blurred the picture out so Kenny doesn't get angry with me. I might write about him for a real publication some day, and I don't want him to remember and forcibly take my pencil out of my pocket protector.

The Truth About Stuart Scott's Eye
While vacationing last week on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, several 18-25 year-old sports fans, including myself, wondered aloud about what happened to ESPN anchor Stuart Scott's eye. Everybody seems to remember a time when the eye was operating perfectly (see photo to the left), but sometime a few years back, it started to look different. It started looking like a lazy eye. Then, it started looking like the ultimate lazy eye. I felt bad for him, but didn't know how to react. I've never been a big fan of Stuart, what with his thinking he's bigger than the sports he yaps about and all, but I wouldn't wish a weird-looking eye on anybody (see photo below). I have had this conversation dozens of other times over the years. It really became a prominent topic of discussion during the first season of "Dream Job," the reality TV series that made one lucky contestant an ESPN Sportscenter anchor.

Anyway, I vowed at dinner that night in North Carolina that after eating, I would Google "What's up with Stuart Scott's eye?" I did. And guess what? There IS an explanation. This is from Wikipedia, the free, online encyclopedia, under the Stuart Scott entry...

"Stuart Scott suffered an accident on April 3, 2002, in the New York Jets training camp in Long Island while reporting for ESPN. A machine that throws footballs for receivers to practice hit him in the left eye with a football, and Scott had to undergo surgery of the cornea [3]."














I guess we Northeasterners can blame yet another thing on the New York Jets. (look closely, this is post-accident).

Alex, You Are My White Knight
This blog will never be about fashion, but did anyone else catch Alex Rodriguez's squeaky white baseball spikes (even whiter than the ones pictured on the left) during the All-Star Game? Beth and I were watching the game at a bar by Columbia University, and could not help but laugh when we saw Mr. Rodriguez nancying around the field in his ghost-white footwear. After the game, he said he wore the white to honor two of his baseball heroes, Keith Hernandez and Gary Carter of 1986 Mets fame, both of whom always wore white shoes. So Alex Rodriguez follows in the fashion footsteps of Gary Carter? That's great. Next, he is going to start sporting the eyewear of (not so) legendary Reds third baseman Chris Sabo.










How A-Rod got his groove back. Carter and...Sabo?

All-Star Game Recap - Reader's Digest Version
The one thing that came out of last night's Major League Baseball All-Star Game is this: I want Brad Lidge and Mariano Rivera in my bullpen. Lidge struck out Melvin Mora, Mike Sweeney and Garrett Anderson on 11 pitches in his one inning of work, while Rivera needed just four pitches to strike out Morgan Ensberg to end the game. Is there any doubt in anybody's mind that these two guys - one young and one old - are the two best closers in baseball?

I cannot understand how Lidge has an ERA of more than 2.00. How has anyone ever gotten a hit off of him? Garrett Anderson, the man who has more hits than anybody else in the 21st Century, looked like he had never seen a slider in his life when he faced Lidge.

Ensberg couldn't handle Rivera's cutter inside, or the high fastball up and away. Some things never change. Hey Major League Batters, here's a news flash for you: Rivera only throws one pitch. Can't you figure out a way to hit it? The guy is still that good. I was writing about him on this blog long before it was a baseball-only blog for a reason. He's like good or something. As for Brad, if he stays away from Gagne-esque arm troubles, he could be the next Mo.

Why doesn't Jason Giambi ask for a new picture? I mean he's hitting better and everything. Jason, you are a reasonably handsome Italian-American man. Come on paisan! Go into a booth and snap a shot my brother. Every time I go to a Yankee game with my lovely and talented girlfriend Beth Carney, we chuckle at the absurdity of your photograph. I want to stop chuckling, and start cheering more for your tape-measure homers.

My Attempt at Predicting The Rest of The Season
I'm sorry that I haven't been filling your regular baseball fix. Oh who the hell am I kidding? I read the traffic numbers from this site. You're not reading. But for you two that might still read, I am going to try and let you know how the 2005 season is going to end.

NL East Champion: Atlanta (until someone proves they can beat them...)
NL Central Champ: St. Louis (the Cubs will hang around for the whole season though)
NL West Champ: San Diego (never thought I'd feel strongest about the Padres among all NL Division winners, but I do).
NL Wild Card: It's going to be a fight between the Cubs, Nationals and Phillies. I look at the pitching, and it's really really tough. But my choice is... the Cubs.
NL Champion: St. Louis (They are WAY too tough for this league. WAY too tough).

AL East Champion: Boston (the Yankees might not even get second. Okay, they will, but not by a landslide).
AL Central Champ: Chicago (don't for a second think that the Twins won't make it close at some point, but the White Sox have Garcia, Buehrle, Garland, El Duque and Contreras. I mean those are five starters).
AL West Champ: Do I have to say Anaheim? The only team that's not winning their division right now that I selected to win their division is the Braves. So no, I won't say Anaheim. I'll say OAKLAND. Ha ha!
AL Wild Card: It looks like a battle between the Yankees, Orioles, Indians, Angels, Blue Jays, Rangers, and Twins. Take the Orioles, Indians, Angels and Blue Jays out because they won't pitch well enough. The Rangers hit just enough to overcome their shaky pitching, but not enough to overcome the Yankees and Twins. Because of the Yankees' buying power, I'm going to go with New York. But I feel queasy about this one.
AL Champ: It's going to be the Red Sox again. They'll figure it out. Garland can't get Ortiz or Manny out in a big spot.

World Champ: Payback's a bitch, Boston. Cardinals in seven.





Carpenter and the Cards will get their revenge

Oliver Kick
Finally, Pittsburgh Pirates fastballer Oliver Perez has accurately connected with his intended target. Perez decided that after allowing four runs and 12 baserunners - five of them coming on walks - in six innings against the Cardinals Tuesday, he would try and throw his left foot at a clubhouse laundry basket. Congratulations, Oliver. You hit the jackpot. And further congratulations is in order for you. You broke your left big toe and are now on the 15-day disabled list. Maybe you can start pitching with your foot when you come off the DL. Perhaps you will find the plate. But I do have some constructive advice for Mr. Perez. Oliver, you are entirely too skinny. Your waist is like a size 24, at the most. I laugh when I see that you are listed on your baseball card at 200 pounds. You weigh 200 pounds like I can bench press 800 pounds. Eat a calzone while you're on the DL, Oliver. Why don't you have a zeppole while you're at it?

15 Minutes of Fame, 10 Days of Suspension
When Brendan Donnelly decided to pour a pint of pine tar into his ball glove this week, the talented reliever for the California Angels (I still call them that) did something that all setup men in the Majors yearn to do every day – he got his name into the headlines. But just as quick as he started a controversy, his name became almost an afterthought just seconds after the incident. Such is life for relievers that do not get saves.

After Angels manager Mike Scioscia and Washington Nationals manager Frank Robinson started arguing about the incident, the benches cleared and Donnelly was already an afterthought. It took like two minutes, and he was already forgotten.

The next day, Nationals outfielder Jose Guillen – who was thrown off the Angels’ team last year because he misbehaved – decided the time had finally come to speak out against Scioscia. He called his former skipper a piece of garbage, although he would not specify what type of biodegradable or non-biodegradable slice of trash Scioscia reminded him of. During the confrontation between the benches, Guillen was apparently screaming and had to be held back from his former teammates by his current ones. Maybe there’s something about that Disneyland air that makes Guillen get angry.

So the story became less about Donnelly – who was suspended 10 days – and more about everyone else. Poor Donnelly is actually appealing the suspension, and can keep pitching until his appeal is heard. In sports, only a setup reliever can get a 10-day suspension for attempting to doctor the very baseball that his game is named for, and become the 250-word sidebar to a 2,000-word story about everyone around him.

So here, on a blog that – if I’m lucky - has about seven readers, I am going to tell you a little bit about Brendan Donnelly, just so setup men everywhere can understand that we appreciate what they do.

Brendan Kevin Donnelly was born on Independence Day in 1971, in Washington D.C. You cannot get much more American than that. His 2005 salary is $420,000 – in baseball, you cannot get much poorer than that. He is the only player in baseball that went to Mesa State College in Grand Junction, Colo.

As a 31-year-old rookie in 2002, Donnelly was an integral part of the Angels’ World Series championship team, allowing just 32 hits in 49 innings, striking out 54, and posting an ERA of 2.17. In the postseason, he struggled against the Yankees and Twins. But in five World Series games against San Francisco, he allowed no runs and one hit in 7.2 innings, earning the win in the game six comeback that tied the series at 3-3.

In 2003, he improved his ERA to 1.58, appearing in 54 games and striking out 79 batters in 74 innings. Last year, his ERA was a still-respectable 3.00, although he has not been as effective this year, posting a 4.20 ERA and registering less than a strikeout per inning for the first time in his career.

Some personal stuff: Donnelly had surgery last Nov. 29 to repair a hole in his septum, an injury that stemmed from fracturing his nose in 20 places thanks to a batted ball in Spring Training. I forgot to send him a get well card.

Donnelly was also a replacement player – or would-be replacement player – during the 1994 strike season. That means that no matter how good he pitches, he will never be cleared to have his name appear on Major League Baseball Players Association-licensed video games.

There’s one more thing I could dig up: Donnelly likes pine tar, and dislikes umpires that dislike pine tar.

There will be no softball on this blog.
You, the readers, have spoken. None of those softball posts will ever be seen again. In fact, the old softball posts have mysteriously disappeared. You're welcome for listening.

Going, Going... Gone!
The original contract depicting the sale of Babe Ruth from the Red Sox to the Yankees was sold at auction for $996,000 this week. That got me thinking: how much would other famous baseball items go for. Items like:

- The steroid-filled needle that Jose Canseco shoved up Mark McGwire’s ass while the two were teammates in Oakland.

- An original Ken Griffey Jr. medical bill.

- The ball that Bert Blyleven threw when he gave up his 50th home run in 1986 – still a record.

- The blouse that Keith Olbermann’s mother was wearing when she was hit by Chuck Knoblauch’s errant throw while sitting behind first base at Yankee Stadium.

- Tommy John’s original elbow.

- Bar tabs from the 1950s and 1960s New York Yankees – teams with such legendary drinkers as Billy Martin, Mickey Mantle, Whitey Ford and Don Larsen.

- Gaylord Perry’s medicine cabinet. (If you read Liners, Sliders and Scoops not for the baseball but for the attempted hilarity, please note that Gaylord Perry is a Hall-of-Fame pitcher known for “scuffing up” the ball with all sorts of concoctions – Vaseline, sandpaper, anything – to make it easier for himself to move the ball around and harder for the batter to hit it.)

Myth: Catchers break down offensively after the All-Star break.
I’ve been a believer of this one for a long time, but I decided to challenge it. So I took the first- and second-half 2004 statistics of some of the top offensive catchers in baseball, and found that there is no significant difference between regular position players and catchers when it comes to late- and early-year batting prowess. All that squatting does not make them wear down in September – at least not significantly. (Please note that some guys – like Ivan Rodriguez in 2004 – have unconscious first halves and cannot in their right mind duplicate their first-half performance. But still, Pudge stayed respectable after the break.) And remember, players get less at-bats after the All-Star Game, since there are less games:

Jorge Posada: 1st half: .275, 11 HR, 40 RBI. 2nd half: .268, 10, 41.

Jason Varitek: 1st half: .275, 10, 34. 2nd half: .323, 8, 39.

Ivan Rodriguez: 1st half: .369, 12, 59. 2nd half: .284, 7, 27.

Johnny Estrada: 1st half: .332, 4, 47. 2nd half: .290, 5, 29.

Javy Lopez: 1st half: .321, 12, 42. 2nd half: .309, 11, 44.

Victor Martinez: 1st half: .290, 12, 63. 2nd half: .274, 11, 45.

My girlfriend Beth Carney, associate editor for the medical journal Current Psychiatry, pointed out that I should check out some serviceable-but-not-superstar catchers to see if my demolition of this theory is deserved: Here goes…

Michael Barrett: 1st half: .291, 10, 43. 2nd half: .282, 6, 22.

Toby Hall: 1st half: .287, 5, 34. 2nd half: .221, 3, 26.

Ramon Hernandez: 1st half: .266, 7, 25. 2nd half: .285, 11, 38.

A.J. Pierzynski: 1st half: .307, 7, 45. 2nd half: .232, 4, 32.

Okay, so let me get back to my point. Just like some other position players get hotter or colder in the second half, so do catchers. Just because they’re bending down all the time, does not automatically equal a bad second half. Maybe for Pierzynski and Hall, the squatting takes its toll. But tell that to Hernandez or Lopez. Catchers are just as likely to keep up at least some of their good hitting in the second half as first basemen and outfielders. I hope this proves it.

MYTH: A bloop hit gets a batter out of his slump.

Reminder: this is a continuation of my on-again, off-again series that will attempt to dispel baseball’s myths and other slices of Boar’s Head bologna.

For the love of Pope Benedict, can we please stop saying that if a batter is 0-for-39 in his last 11 games and then gets an infield single, “That was all he needed to get back on track?” This is a case of announcers speaking out loud just for the sake of making sure their microphone works. It’s such Oscar Meyer. I can remember so many times where a batter in the middle of a wretched slump got a Baltimore chop single and then proceded to slump for like two more weeks. I’ve even seen guys hit a few homers in the middle of a horrible slump: it means that every Golden Retriever can have his day. A full-season batting average is an AVERAGE, and one hit – or one game for that matter – does not constitute a slump or the breaking out of one.

And I know this blog is supposed to be about baseball only, but are you too getting sick and tired of hearing basketball announcers say, “Even though he’s missed 17 three-pointers in a row, all he needs to do is make a layup and see what it looks like for the ball to go into the basket, and then he’ll start getting hot?” Are you serious? Is this really what you think is going to happen? I remember hearing this argument after John Starks made a layup during game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals, a game the Knicks lost largely because Starks shot 2-for-18 from the field. I guess Starks was closing his eyes for the layup, and didn’t see what it looked like for the ball to go into the basket.

Paul Quantrill Can You Please Protect Me?
In case you missed it, Paul Quantrill – the 6’0, 200-pound enforcer disguised as a sometimes unreliable New York Yankees relief pitcher – played some good ol’ fashioned American hardball and then talked some serious Canadian-style trash during and after a game with the Detroit Tigers earlier this week.

Retaliating for the Tigers hitting Alex Rodriguez earlier in the game, Quantrill threw one behind Jason Smith, prompting the umpire to warn both dugouts that another shady pitch would result in a pitcher/manager dual-ejection. Quantrill fired the next pitch toward the bull’s eye on Smith’s upper back, and hit it squarely. Upon his ejection, Quantrill, who is extremely dorky looking if I can use an eighth grade word here, waved to the angry Tigers dugout, inviting them to come on out for a donnybrook. “If they want to come out, just come out," Quantrill was quoted as saying in The New York Times. "If they've got a problem with me, standing six feet in front of the dugout and chirping is just nonsense."

Even better was what he said the next day in response to Dmitri Young’s comments about how pitchers should not throw toward a batter’s head: “That's not close to his head," Quantrill said to the Times. "Dmitri, I think, wears his do-rag too tight. I don't need to hear Dmitri." (Good job by the Times finding "do-rag" in their newspaper style guide, by the way. Ya gotta spell that shiite right).

Dear Paul: Where did this fire come from you Canadian hockey hooligan? Paul Quantrill, I will engage in conventional or guerilla warfare with you any time. Unless, of course, that war involves you throwing a baseball. I’m only kidding man. Dude, I’m joking. My headband is too tight. Please don’t hit me.

Oh Danny Boy! Your Finger is so Beautiful!
In shocking news, the Cincinnati Reds designated closer Danny Graves for assignment. Danny got mad at the Cincinnati fans Sunday for inexplicably booing him, and he decided that he wanted to show them which of his fingers was the longest. It’s amazing that the crowd was down on Graves, who had just pitched a scintillating third of an inning, giving up five runs on four hits in a 9-2 loss to Cleveland. His May ERA was a nice, round 11.00. Good luck finding a new job Danny, and I am sincerely sorry that the fans booed you after your fantastic month of pitching. I love you. Please marry me.

MYTH: The double play is the pitcher's best friend.
I do agree that the double play is a very good friend of the pitcher. The double play is the guy that a pitcher can always count on, but that he sees too much of every now and then. Sometimes, the pitcher gets mad that the double play always wants to go to T.G.I. Friday’s instead of going to the new, hot, salsa dance club. The double play is the pitcher’s best friend in his hometown. But every man has that best friend that has since moved away – that REAL best friend – that comes back once every few years and makes it seem like old times. For the pitcher, that best friend is named the triple play.

Dispelling Baseball Myths and Cliches – Part One of About A Million
It’s true that when a pitcher thinks too much about a fast baserunner on first, he screws up on his pitches to home plate. It’s also true that every time a pitcher fakes to third and tries to throw to first; a) it never works; and b) every fat drunkard in the crowd yells “balk.” But I am here to explore the things that announcers say, the fans believe, and the things that even players might believe, that are not true, no longer valid or otherwise idiotic. This unscientific and out-of-order series will start with my next post. Are you hungry for it? Don’t answer that. It was rhetorical.

ESPN.Com: Please update your database

I'm sure everyone remembers the tragic death of St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Darryl Kile during the 2002 Major League Baseball Season. Well almost three full years later, ESPN.com has not updated its player database to reflect Kile's sudden and shocking passing. On its alphabetical list of players, Kile is actually still listed. I'd be willing to give ESPN a pass on this, since some other former players such as Paul Abbott and Bobby Bonilla are still listed. What is disturbing, though, is if you click on Kile's name, and then on "fantasy," a ghost-white screen tells you, "This player does not exist." No mention of his death, or news items from the ceremony celebrating his life, adorns his player page. I think that in light of what happened to Kile, ESPN could have taken a few steps to either delete him from its database, or at least removed some of the ho-hum, and extremely insensitive information. "This player does not exist" makes sense for Bonilla's fantasy profile, but not for Kile's. And if you think this was just an oversight, click on Ken Caminiti on the player list, and check out his fantasy prognosis. Look familiar?

So Many Statistics Are Just Meaningless. Meaningless!
On Sunday morning, The New York Times printed a list of statistical leaders from the 2004 interleague schedule. I bet you did not know that Derrek Lee of the Cubs led all batters with a .444 average in games against the other league, and that both Francisco Rodriguez of the Angels and B.J. Ryan of the Orioles sported 0.00 ERAs in interleague games, best among pitchers who threw at least 10 innings. These things are nice to know, aren’t they? Actually, no they are not.

Besides natural rivalries (Yankees vs. Mets, White Sox vs. Cubs), the interleague schedule changes every year. If a team plays the other league’s Central division in 2004, it plays the West in 2005. Different teams, different pitchers, different hitters, different ballparks, meaningless numbers. So here is today’s Aflac trivia question: What is the value of printing last year’s interleague statistics? Answer: None. Please print something more important, like the number of Hebrew National hot dogs sold during Wednesday Spring Training games in which the temperature was at least 79 degrees.

Baseball statistics in general – which I love to look at and analyze as much as anyone – are, sadly, often meaningless. Anybody in a sports bar who ever tries to form an argument using a pitcher’s win/loss record should have his pint glass rammed up his eye. Randy Johnson was 16-14 last year, but his ERA was 2.60. With a good team, he might have won 25 games. With the Arizona Diamondbacks, he was lucky to win 16 of their 51 games. “Oh but this guy,” the old Jack Morris argument used to go, “just knows how to win.”

For the most part, that argument is bologna. If a pitcher gets a 7-0 lead and then winds up winning 7-6, he won not because he “knows how to pitch to the scoreboard,” he won because he got good run support. Yes, some pitchers are better in clutch situations, and have the knack for getting a strikeout or double-play grounder when they need it, but wins and losses are the most overrated statistics for what they really say about an athlete’s performance.

Some of those crazy Society of American Baseball Research statistics such as “wins above team” and “runs per hitting win” or whatever the hell they are called, are fun to calculate if you have a graphing calculator and a protractor, but they are entirely too complicated to ever become mainstream. But some of the overly simple statistics like wins and losses are just the opposite – they are too simple and explain too little.

So let’s meet in the middle. Let’s not print last year’s interleague statistics (did you know the Devil Rays were 15-3 against the National League last year), let’s not base an argument on wins and losses (Bob Welch won 27 games in 1990, that says it all), and let’s not purchase a mathematics textbook for the sole purpose of figuring out how many singles to center David Eckstein would hit if he were playing in Japan.

Numbers do tell a lot of the story. Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth are the two best home run hitters of all time, because they have the most homers. Ty Cobb was the best hitter for average that has ever played, because he has the highest average.

But just looking blindly at numbers and judging a player based on them is a mistake that is made too often. Ask anyone who has played fantasy baseball. “Oh, Roberto Hernandez has an ERA of less than 1.20,” I said earlier this week of the New York Mets’ new setup man. So I picked him up, and played him on Saturday. The result: One inning, two runs and four baserunners allowed for Hernandez, and a drop in the standings for me.

Numbers are fun, but they do not mean everything, and they often mean nothing. Good luck trying to remember that when you are fumbling for evidence in your next sports argument. Just remember: wins and losses and interleague stats do not mean much, and neither do spring training frankfurter sales.

The Yankees are Wasting Their Time With Jason Giambi
When the Yankees first acquired Jason Giambi, I thought he was a perfect fit - the perfect buy. Here was a guy that could hit balls over buildings in right, and up the gap in Yankee Stadium’s cavernous left-center. A .300 hitter who could hit 40 homers and knock in 120: where do I sign up?

By the 2003 All-Star Game - most certainly the last All-Star Game he ever played in - he was second to Derek Jeter as the most recognizable face on the Yankees. He won the Home Run Derby, and his legend grew.

Then, according to reports of his grand jury testimony, he stopped taking steroids. But no investigative journalism is needed - no qualifiers like “according to reports” or “according to secret testimony” is needed - to say that at the same time he stopped with the steroids, he stopped with the hitting. A staph infection in his eye, benign tumor, strained forearm, shattered reputation, and almost two full seasons of unproductive at bats later, the Yankees want him to go to the Minor Leagues.

I think that is a mistake. Giambi cannot learn to hit the ball better in the minor leagues. Giambi, a spray hitter - a high average hitter - in the Minors, became a needle hitter as he got stronger in the Major Leagues. That is, he threw a needle into his arm, or butt, or wherever, and decided to try to muscle the ball over the fence in right field with every swing, rather than take it to left field when the pitches were outside. He kept gravitating toward that new style, and nobody noticed. Sure, he still hit some balls to left field, but not as much. Infields started shifting to the right, knowing that he would try and pull the outside pitch.

But when he stopped cheating, his muscles - and hence his margin for error - got smaller. A non-juiced Giambi, at his best, is probably a .315 hitter with 25 homers. Again, where do I sign up? But a non-juiced Giambi that tries to hit like the juiced Giambi is a waste of space on the Yankees, and would be a waste of space in their minor league system. It is only a matter of time before Brian Cashman, George Steinbrenner and Joe Torre figure that out.

Torre Might Be Getting Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired
I never thought I would say this, but I have been checking ESPN.com five times a day waiting for the announcement that Joe Torre has quit as manager of the Yankees. As the losses to the Devil Rays piled up this week, I even resorted to checking other sports sites, like cbssportsline.com and cnnsi.com to see if maybe they had beaten ESPN to the scoop.

There is no way to know whether George Steinbrenner is thinking of making the move first, but I sincerely doubt it. The old Steinbrenner would shake things up the moment something went wrong, but the old Steinbrenner was not dealing with Joe Torre. He was dealing with Stump Merrill, and Billy Martin, and Yogi Berra, and Dallas Green, and (you know the joke) Billy Martin and Billy Martin and Billy Martin.

The season is young, the Yankees are still talented, but Torre is probably getting sick and tired of hearing Steinbrenner’s statements through his press agent that he expects “Joe Torre and his staff” to get things together. The $200 million Yankees are expected to win the World Series, so even if they turn it around and wind up winning it all – which they won’t – what will be so different about 2005 that didn’t happen in 2000, 1999, 1998 and 1996? Is it worth it for Torre to trudge through this?

If the 1992 New York Mets were the “Worst Team Money Could Buy,” the 2005 Yankees are the “Oldest, Most Sluggish, Worst Pitching Team Money Could Buy.” Maybe the title is not as flashy, but they don’t deserve to be called anything flashy. Last year’s Yankees could fall behind 6-0 and end up winning 14-12, masking the reality that outslugging you was the only way they could consistently beat you.

And that was the beginning of the end for Torre. Torre is a National League guy. He played and managed in the National League his entire career, and he managed the 1996 Yankees like he was in the National League, bunting, encouraging hitters to move runners up and running like the Yankees never ran before. In interleague games, Torre has said he loves the added strategy of making double switches, figuring out when he should pinch-hit for his pitcher, and all the other fun stuff that makes National League ball different than American League ball.

When people think of these struggling Yankees right now, they think of guys like Jason Giambi and Kevin Brown. Everyone knows Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Gary Sheffield are going to play well, and that Randy Johnson is going to consistently start pitching like himself real soon. That is not what concerns Torre. What concerns Torre is that players he needs to rely on – like Giambi, Brown and Tom Gordon – have lost it. The Yankees do not bother to grab early leads anymore, and when they do, the bullpen screws everything up. These are not your Joe Torre Yankees.

The Torre era officially began in late 1996 with a simple principle – the starting pitcher just needs to pitch six innings, and if he leaves with the lead, the game is over. Mariano Rivera, Jeff Nelson, Graeme Lloyd - mostly Rivera - for the seventh and eighth, and John Wetteland in the ninth. Since then, it has not been that easy, but pretty close. Not now.

So because he cannot play little ball, and because he cannot rely on his bullpen, and because he is sick and tired of winning the World Series being a case of meeting expectations rather than exceeding them, I am going to continue checking ESPN.com for that breaking news headline on the top right hand corner of the screen.

“Torre Quits.”

Relax: It’s Still Early
If the 2005 Major League Baseball season ended today, the Baltimore Orioles would be hosting the Minnesota Twins in the American League Division Series and the Arizona Diamondbacks, one year removed from a 111-loss season, would be playing the Atlanta Braves in a one-game playoff to determine the National League wild card team. But for some really strange reason, the 2005 Major League Baseball season does not end today. It ends in October!

The cliché, “Baseball is a marathon and not a sprint,” is perhaps the truest one in all of sports, including “We just wanted it more today.” After a month of football, a quarter of the season is complete. After a month of basketball, for the most part, the best teams have the best records. The jostling later in the season is usually for the last few playoff spots. But in baseball, the first month represents less than a fifth of the season, and everything – from the weather conditions to the way the manager handles his starting pitchers’ workloads – is different than the rest of the year.

Brian Roberts, the tiny second baseman from the Baltimore Orioles, is on pace to hit 48 home runs and drive in 156 runs this year. Of course these are just rough estimates – I multiplied his eight homers and 26 RBI by six - for April, May, June, July, August and September – and came up with his obvious final 2005 stats. Roberts, who is by no means a bad player, is hitting like Gary Sheffield, who is hitting like Shea Hillenbrand, who is hitting like Joe DiMaggio. These out-of-character offensive beginnings do not mean 2005 is the year Major League Baseball changed forever, they just mean that they are offensive beginnings.

A batting average is a funny thing. A player who is 9-for-90 in April could easily go 40-for-90 in May, and all of a sudden a .100 hitter is a .272 hitter. Likewise, the 10-14 Yankees could become the 30-20 Yankees in one month’s time, once Randy Johnson’s left arm is warmer and Mike Mussina’s command returns from its winter hibernation. And would it be so shocking if John Patterson – he of the 4.51 career ERA – saw his 2005 ERA shoot up above 1.00 by the end of the season?

Last year, only two of the six teams that finished April in first place won their divisions. Kevin Brown was 4-0, and people were asking where the Yankees would be without him. Let us, for a moment, imagine that the same sort of stuff is going to happen in 2005. Here are some bold predictions, predicated on the idea that in all non-1994 baseball seasons, the regular season does not end until October:

- Mike Lowell will get his average up above .200 sometime before the end of the season.

- Roberts will have a good season, but will not break 60 home runs or 150 RBI.

- Sheffield will finish with more than two homers.

- Brett Myers of Philadelphia will not win the National League Cy Young Award.

- Carlos Guillen of Detroit will not become the first player since Ted Williams in 1941 to hit over .400.

- Danys Baez, the closer for Tampa Bay who is 3-0 this year, will not become the first closer in the history of baseball to win 20 games.

- Brandon Lyon, the by-default closer of the second-place D-backs, will not break the 60-save barrier.

There are some things that have really caught my eye early in the season:

- Alex Rodriguez is now “comfortable” in New York, and will break the 45-homer barrier and hit over .300 this year.

- Matt Morris of St. Louis is back, throwing with fluidity, velocity and command, and just might become an ace again.

- Kerry Wood will never be injury-free, and never win 15 games in a season his entire career.

- The Twins bullpen – with Juan Rincon, J.C. Romero, Jesse Crain and Joe Nathan – is like the not-so-long-ago Yankee bullpen of Ramiro Mendoza, Mike Stanton, Jeff Nelson and Mariano Rivera. Don’t laugh.

- The San Diego Padres have an ace with Cy Young stuff – Jacob Peavy. You knew that. What you may not have known is that despite up-and-down starts, their No. 2 through No. 4 starters – Brian Lawrence, Adam Eaton and Woody Williams – could help the team make a run at the postseason.

Oh, and one more thing. The blog's name has been changed to Liners, Sliders and Scoops.

PRESS RELEASE: The Blog of JoeyScoops to Become an All-Baseball Endeavor

Bloomfield, N.J., April 26-- The Blog of JoeyScoops, a not-so-leading provider of journalism, will become an all-baseball blog starting this week. Joseph Checkler, the blog's publisher and editor-in-chief, will write a minimum of two items per week on the topic of baseball.

Happy Easter Sunday. Okay, so I have some things I have been thinking about lately that I need to get off my chest.

1. Why the heck does Enterprise Rent-a-Car, in its neverending, mindless, "We'll Pick You Up" campaign, insist on showing that stupid car that is wrapped up in ugly, brown, paper bag-looking Enterprise wrapping paper complete with a bow. Is this the gift that you want? I guarantee that if I was driving around with that stupid, brown wrapping paper, a cop would pull me over and ask me how many drinks I have had. I can't really tell from the commercial, but I think the windshield is at least clear of any wrappings. But it does look like the tires are nearly covered - and that is a potential problem.

2. How old is too old for an unmarried adult to call his/her significant other "girlfriend" or "boyfriend?" I had this conversation with Beth recently, and we mutually decided, after some haggling, that 40 is the age in which "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" starts sounding a little, well, awkward. So I have come up with some possible replacements: "This is my adult woman companion, Blanche." How about, "I would like you to meet Milton, my marriage-free man friend." There has got to be something catchier, but I just do not know what it is at this time.

In the meantime, here is a free list of the 100 U.S. Senators, complete with e-mail addresses and phone numbers:

ALL THE UNITED STATES SENATORS -109TH CONGRESS

Akaka, Daniel - (D - HI) Class I
141 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6361
E-mail: senator@akaka.senate.gov

Alexander, Lamar - (R - TN) Class II
302 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4944
Web Form: alexander.senate.gov/contact.cfm

Allard, Wayne - (R - CO) Class II
521 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5941
Web Form: allard.senate.gov/contactme

Allen, George - (R - VA) Class I
204 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4024
Web Form: allen.senate.gov/index.cfm?c=email

Baucus, Max - (D - MT) Class II
511 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2651
Web Form: baucus.senate.gov/emailmax.html

Bayh, Evan - (D - IN) Class III
463 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5623
Web Form: bayh.senate.gov/WebMail1.htm

Bennett, Robert - (R - UT) Class III
431 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5444
Web Form: bennett.senate.gov/contact/emailmain.html

Biden, Joseph - (D - DE) Class II
201 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5042
E-mail: senator@biden.senate.gov

Bingaman, Jeff - (D - NM) Class I
703 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5521
E-mail: senator_bingaman@bingaman.senate.gov

Bond, Christopher - (R - MO) Class III
274 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5721
Web Form: bond.senate.gov/contact/contactme.cfm

Boxer, Barbara - (D - CA) Class III
112 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3553
Web Form: boxer.senate.gov/contact

Brownback, Sam - (R - KS) Class III
303 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6521
Web Form: brownback.senate.gov/CMEmailMe.htm

Bunning, Jim - (R - KY) Class III
316 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4343
Web Form: bunning.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.Email

Burns, Conrad - (R - MT) Class I
187 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2644
Web Form: burns.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Home.Contact

Burr, Richard - (R - NC) Class III
217 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3154
Web Form: burr.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.Home

Byrd, Robert - (D - WV) Class I
311 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3954
Web Form: byrd.senate.gov/byrd_email.html

Cantwell, Maria - (D - WA) Class I
717 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3441
Web Form: cantwell.senate.gov/contact/index.html

Carper, Thomas - (D - DE) Class I
513 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2441
Web Form: carper.senate.gov/email-form.html

Chafee, Lincoln - (R - RI) Class I
141A RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2921
Web Form: chafee.senate.gov/webform.htm

Chambliss, Saxby - (R - GA) Class II
416 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3521
Web Form: chambliss.senate.gov/Contact/default.cfm?pagemode=1

Clinton, Hillary - (D - NY) Class I
476 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4451
Web Form: clinton.senate.gov/email_form.html

Coburn, Tom - (R - OK) Class III
172 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5754

Cochran, Thad - (R - MS) Class II
113 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5054
Web Form: cochran.senate.gov/contact.htm

Coleman, Norm - (R - MN) Class II
320 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5641
Web Form: coleman.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.ContactForm

Collins, Susan - (R - ME) Class II
461 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2523
Web Form: collins.senate.gov/low/contactemail.htm

Conrad, Kent - (D - ND) Class I
530 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2043
Web Form: conrad.senate.gov/webform.html

Cornyn, John - (R - TX) Class II
517 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2934
Web Form: cornyn.senate.gov/contact/index.html

Corzine, Jon - (D - NJ) Class I
502 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4744
Web Form: corzine.senate.gov/contact.cfm

Craig, Larry - (R - ID) Class II
520 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2752
Web Form: craig.senate.gov/webform.html

Crapo, Michael - (R - ID) Class III
239 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6142
Web Form: crapo.senate.gov

Dayton, Mark - (D - MN) Class I
123 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3244
Web Form: dayton.senate.gov/contact/email.cfm

DeMint, Jim - (R - SC) Class III
340 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6121
Web Form: demint.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.Home

DeWine, Mike - (R - OH) Class I
140 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2315
Web Form: dewine.senate.gov

Dodd, Christopher - (D - CT) Class III
448 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2823
Web Form: dodd.senate.gov/webmail/

Dole, Elizabeth - (R - NC) Class II
555 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6342
Web Form: dole.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=ContactInformation.ContactForm

Domenici, Pete - (R - NM) Class II
328 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6621
Web Form: domenici.senate.gov/resources/contactform.cfm

Dorgan, Byron - (D - ND) Class III
322 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2551
E-mail: senator@dorgan.senate.gov

Durbin, Richard - (D - IL) Class II
332 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2152
Web Form: durbin.senate.gov/sitepages/contact.htm

Ensign, John - (R - NV) Class I
364 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6244
Web Form: ensign.senate.gov/forms/email_form.cfm

Enzi, Michael - (R - WY) Class II
379A RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3424
Web Form: enzi.senate.gov/email.htm

Feingold, Russell - (D - WI) Class III
506 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5323
E-mail: russell_feingold@feingold.senate.gov

Feinstein, Dianne - (D - CA) Class I
331 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3841
Web Form: feinstein.senate.gov/email.html

Frist, Bill - (R - TN) Class I
509 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3344
Web Form: frist.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=AboutSenatorFrist.ContactForm

Graham, Lindsey - (R - SC) Class II
290 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5972
Web Form: lgraham.senate.gov/index.cfm?mode=contact

Grassley, Chuck - (R - IA) Class III
135 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3744
Web Form: grassley.senate.gov/webform.htm

Gregg, Judd - (R - NH) Class III
393 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3324
E-mail: mailbox@gregg.senate.gov

Hagel, Chuck - (R - NE) Class II
248 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4224
Web Form: hagel.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Offices.Contact

Harkin, Tom - (D - IA) Class II
731 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3254
Web Form: harkin.senate.gov/contact/contact.cfm

Hatch, Orrin - (R - UT) Class I
104 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5251
Web Form: hatch.senate.gov/index.cfm?Fuseaction=Offices.Contact

Hutchison, Kay - (R - TX) Class I
284 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5922
Web Form: hutchison.senate.gov/e-mail.htm

Inhofe, James - (R - OK) Class II
453 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4721
Web Form: inhofe.senate.gov/contactus.htm

Inouye, Daniel - (D - HI) Class III
722 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3934
Web Form: inouye.senate.gov/webform.html

Isakson, Johnny - (R - GA) Class III
120 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3643
Web Form: isakson.senate.gov/contact.cfm

Jeffords, James - (I - VT) Class I
413 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5141
Web Form: jeffords.senate.gov/contact-form.html

Johnson, Tim - (D - SD) Class II
136 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5842
Web Form: johnson.senate.gov/emailform.cfm

Kennedy, Edward - (D - MA) Class I
317 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4543
Web Form: kennedy.senate.gov/contact.html

Kerry, John - (D - MA) Class II
304 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2742
Web Form: kerry.senate.gov/bandwidth/contact/email.html

Kohl, Herb - (D - WI) Class I
330 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5653
Web Form: kohl.senate.gov/gen_contact.html

Kyl, Jon - (R - AZ) Class I
730 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4521
Web Form: kyl.senate.gov/contact.cfm

Landrieu, Mary - (D - LA) Class II
724 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5824
Web Form: landrieu.senate.gov/contact/index.cfm

Lautenberg, Frank - (D - NJ) Class II
324 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3224
Web Form: lautenberg.senate.gov/webform.html

Leahy, Patrick - (D - VT) Class III
433 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4242
E-mail: senator_leahy@leahy.senate.gov

Levin, Carl - (D - MI) Class II
269 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6221
Web Form: levin.senate.gov/contact/index.cfm

Lieberman, Joseph - (D - CT) Class I
706 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4041
Web Form: lieberman.senate.gov/contact/index.cfm?regarding=issue

Lincoln, Blanche - (D - AR) Class III
355 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4843
Web Form: lincoln.senate.gov/webform.html

Lott, Trent - (R - MS) Class I
487 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6253
E-mail: senatorlott@lott.senate.gov

Lugar, Richard - (R - IN) Class I
306 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4814
E-mail: senator_lugar@lugar.senate.gov

Martinez, Mel - (R - FL) Class III
317 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3041
Web Form: martinez.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.Home

McCain, John - (R - AZ) Class III
241 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2235
Web Form: mccain.senate.gov/index.cfm?fuseaction=Contact.Home

McConnell, Mitch - (R - KY) Class II
361-A RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2541
Web Form: mcconnell.senate.gov/contact_form.cfm

Mikulski, Barbara - (D - MD) Class III
503 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4654
Web Form: mikulski.senate.gov/mailform.html

Murkowski, Lisa - (R - AK) Class III
709 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6665
Web Form: murkowski.senate.gov/contact.html

Murray, Patty - (D - WA) Class III
173 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2621
Web Form: murray.senate.gov/email/index.cfm

Nelson, Bill - (D - FL) Class I
716 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5274
Web Form: billnelson.senate.gov/contact/index.cfm#email

Nelson, Ben - (D - NE) Class I
720 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6551
Web Form: bennelson.senate.gov/email.html

Obama, Barack - (D - IL) Class III
713 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2854
Web Form: obama.senate.gov/contact/

Pryor, Mark - (D - AR) Class II
257 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2353
Web Form: pryor.senate.gov/contact/

Reed, Jack - (D - RI) Class II
728 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4642
Web Form: reed.senate.gov/form-opinion.htm

Reid, Harry - (D - NV) Class III
528 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3542
Web Form: reid.senate.gov/email_form.cfm

Roberts, Pat - (R - KS) Class II
109 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4774
Web Form: roberts.senate.gov/e-mail_pat.html

Rockefeller, John - (D - WV) Class II
531 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6472
E-mail: senator@rockefeller.senate.gov

Salazar, Ken - (D - CO) Class III
702 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5852
Web Form: salazar.senate.gov/contactus.cfm

Santorum, Rick - (R - PA) Class I
511 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6324
Web Form: santorum.senate.gov/contactform.cfm

Sarbanes, Paul - (D - MD) Class I
309 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4524
Web Form: sarbanes.senate.gov/pages/email.html

Schumer, Charles - (D - NY) Class III
313 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6542
Web Form: schumer.senate.gov/webform.html

Sessions, Jeff - (R - AL) Class II
335 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4124
Web Form: sessions.senate.gov/contact.htm#form

Shelby, Richard - (R - AL) Class III
110 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5744
E-mail: senator@shelby.senate.gov

Smith, Gordon - (R - OR) Class II
404 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3753
Web Form: gsmith.senate.gov/webform.htm

Snowe, Olympia - (R - ME) Class I
154 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5344
E-mail: olympia@snowe.senate.gov

Specter, Arlen - (R - PA) Class III
711 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4254
E-mail: arlen_specter@specter.senate.gov

Stabenow, Debbie - (D - MI) Class I
133 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4822
Web Form: stabenow.senate.gov/email.htm

Stevens, Ted - (R - AK) Class II
522 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3004
Web Form: stevens.senate.gov/contact_form.cfm

Sununu, John - (R - NH) Class II
111 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2841
Web Form: www.sununu.senate.gov/webform.html

Talent, James - (R - MO) Class I
493 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6154
Web Form: talent.senate.gov/Contact/default.cfm?pagemode=1

Thomas, Craig - (R - WY) Class I
307 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6441
Web Form: thomas.senate.gov/html/contact.html

Thune, John - (R - SD) Class III
383 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2321
Web Form: thune.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.Home

Vitter, David - (R - LA) Class III
516 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4623
Web Form: vitter.senate.gov/contact.cfm

Voinovich, George - (R - OH) Class III
524 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-3353
Web Form: voinovich.senate.gov/

Warner, John - (R - VA) Class II
225 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-2023
Web Form: warner.senate.gov/contact/contactme.cfm

Wyden, Ron - (D - OR) Class III
230 DIRKSEN SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-5244
Web Form: wyden.senate.gov/contact.html

Do you remember where you were when my family gave our dog Chuckie away to my cousin Matt's family?

Do you remember where you were when Bell Atlantic changed its name to Verizon? It was one of those watershed moments in American history, like when the yellow ribbon was invented during the first Persian Gulf War, or the day Michael Dukakis declared his candidacy for the 1988 Democratic nomination. People just know where they were when these things happened.

Do you know where you were when Bootie Checkler uttered "meow" for the first time, or when Ed McMahon first told Johnny Carson, "You are correct sir?" Think about these things.

In other news, my cousin/roommate Matthew Atwan and I have invented a new term for "taping" a television program with our Tivo-style DVR recorder. We did not want to use the already coined verb, "Tivo," so we decided on "Whiskey Rebellion." Okay, let us now use our new (but old) phrase in a sentence: "Matt, can you please perform the Whiskey Rebellion on Quincy, M.E. tonight?" The translation: "Matt, can you please tape Quincy, M.E. tonight?" We think it is going to stick, kind of like Matt and his college friends' use of the word "jaj" in place of "vagina."

Okay, so I lied, I am not contributing to my blog regularly at this point. I know nobody comes here, so what the hell do you care? Yeah, that's right you. What the hell do you care? Please just shut up, I do not want to hear this from you. I am busy. I really am busy. And then lazy, poop- around-on-the-couch YOU come around telling me what the hell I should do with my Weblog. It is time for you to really get a life.

It is appalling, absolutely appalling, that our vice president went to Auschwitz to mark the 60th anniversary of the Holocaust dressed like a 7-year-old boy ready for a skiing trip.



Go here, and scroll down. Ughh!!!

I will try to start posting to my blog more regularly, starting now. Whether it be a link, a short comment, or something more substantial, I think I owe it to the Internet to at least make an attempt at producing some sort of journalism. More to come later, folks.

This is the lede sentence in a Wall Street Journal op-ed piece from Monday, written by the former chairman of the President's Council of Economic Advisers (from 1989-1993). I thought it was from The Onion when I read it.



"President Bush deserves generally very high marks on economic policy in his first term, although there were some stumbles (e.g., too much non-defense spending growth, steel tariffs). His approach to economics and economic policy -- a combination of philosophical principles and practical business experience -- will continue to serve him well in his second term. "